Thursday, 23 February 2012

The Fourth Platform-Building Campaign: The First Challenge



I won't dilly-daddle. This entry is called Fade and it's dark. I made the key words, "Shadows crept across the walls," present tense to add immediacy. I hope that's okay.



Fade


Shadows creep across the walls and everything fades.

This is my first and last daydream; my first ever nightmare; my last solemn hello...

Today is my birthday. June 6th 1666, that's when I was born. And I guess that's when it all ended. 

But no one cares. No one bothers when or how. All they care about is why. 

Why?

I don't know.   

I can't tell you how or when--when or how. 

I just don't know...

But I see them. I see them all the time: angelic faces...pearly smiles...tiny fingers in a matchbox...five toes in a clock...

Tick tock on the dock, her head I wrapped in muck.

Three, two, one...two kidneys now none. 

"Wake up Mr. Jackal. Wake up!"

I open my eyes. He is the ugliest man I've ever seen: big nose, black googly eyes, no neck...

"Do you have anything to say Mr. Jackal?"

Say? What more can I say...I've done enough...

"Mr. Jackal?"

"What you ugly man!"

"I asked you a question."

"No. I have nothing to say."

"Then it's time."

Yes, I know. I won't fight it. I won't fuss. I won't kill...

It's time.

"How do you feel after all you've done?" I hear someone say.

I look across at the many anxious faces behind the glass. I peer down at my orange jumpsuit--at my feet and hands shackled in chains. 

How do I feel?

"Glad."

The ugly man places a black cloth over my head and all at once a cold steel squeezes my forehead.

Shadows creep across the walls of my soul and everything fades.

This is my first and last daydream...

My first ever nightmare...

My last solemn hello.




This is poetry you have to read aloud in order to understand the rhythm. If you read it in your mind it will seem rushed.

But I hope you liked it. It was a very dreary piece to write at five in the morning.

I can't wait to see what you guys came up with!

Cheers! ^_^

36 comments:

C.M.Brown said...

Deep! Dark! Serious! I like it!

T.D. McFrost said...

Really? Aw shucks, thanks a lot. :D

Kyra Lennon said...

I think I would pretty much read anything you wrote lol! Great work!

Marieke said...

Very intense. Well done!

T.D. McFrost said...

Thanks a lot guys.

I wonder if I should stop at "Shadows creep across the walls of my soul and everything fades" to get one extra brownie point per the guidelines?

I'll keep revising it as the day progresses.

JD said...

This was a totally unexpected protagonist! Don't end the story early to get brownie points. I think those are just additional challenges; the only real rules are starting line and 200 words.

Jess said...

Wow, that was awesome! Loved the rhythm in this piece! And it was very creepy! Great job!!

I'm entry #19

Miranda Hardy said...

Great job. Really enjoyed the intensity. Reminds me of the piece I did during the last campaign.

Esther Spurrill-Jones said...

It's not prose, though; it's definitely poetry, and it's amazing. Very well done.

cindythrasher said...

Intriguing...leaves a lot to one's own imagination. I like it!

T.D. McFrost said...

Thanks everyone! I had no clue it would be received so well.

Esther made my day. I don't think I can write poetry, but to be told my writing is poetic makes me float on air. What an awesome compliment. ^_^

Jay Noel said...

Great job. Very intense and dark.

Wasn't the great London Fire in 1666?

T.D. McFrost said...

Yup. It lasted for about four days, destroyed most of central London.

I see someone is a history buff too. :D

elizabeth seckman said...

Impressive!

David P. King said...

That really was a moving poem (though I didn't think that as I was reading it). Nice one! :)

yikici said...

I like, I like! Grabbed my attention -great story-telling in a beautifully written poem (yep prose is for stories not poetry). ;)

And now for me to be cheeky...

*sneaks up from behind the pc screen* "TAAAGGGG" *runs off squeaking* ;)

You are officially 'it' here are your choices: a) Accept it graciously b) Ignore it -well, I can't stop you c) Make a sound so I know you've taken the blow and are chasing others out there and d) Pass the tag on -and nope, I'm not accepting the tag again, find someone new. :P

Should you take on the tag, here's where to source out the questions you need to answer on yikici' post Savvy Salutations' to...ermm...the Tagged Person.

Michael Offutt, Tebow Cult Initiate said...

Oh I love this. I hope you win. Contacting a judge now to make sure it gets the full treatment :)

T.D. McFrost said...

Okay, so I guess it's poetry since you guys insist.I really don't see it that way, but boy am I honored! :D

Elizabeth: Thanks so much!

David: I didn't think so either but it does have a nice flow to it.

Yi: You always make me laugh. You're such an inspiration Yi. I think I'll tag Michael, 'cause he's always so good to me. :D

Michael: And speaking of the devil, I want to thank you for all the support since day one. You. Are. Awesome! ^_^

Brenna Braaten said...

Hey. I enjoyed that. The intrigue. The mystery. Very cool.

Gwen said...

Goodness, that is quite dark.

#109

ryan field said...

I admire anyone who can write poetry, because I can't. You're right about saying it aloud. It's more intense.

Cat said...

Wonderful and poetic. I'm glad you didn't get into too many details about his deeds...

Cat said...

Forgot to say, it went to the second round of judging.

T.D. McFrost said...

Really Cat? Wow! I don't know what to say...

I want to thank you and everyone else, immensely, for the support, it has been a blessing.

Thank you. ^_^

Alyssa said...

This was awesome! I love your take on the challenge! Nice job! :)

I'm #37

Sarah Pearson said...

This left me wanting more. A good sign :-)

Medeia Sharif said...

Dark and intriguing. That was great, T.D.

Alynza Smith said...

Very cool! Great flow with this piece. Would definitely read more stuff like this. :) Congrats on moving up!

Carrie Butler said...

Hey, T.D.! Great piece here. Nice and edgy. :)

By the way, I couldn't help but notice Aion on your "Things I love" page. How do you feel about it going F2P this spring?

Oops. My nerdiness is showing..

Ashley Nixon said...

I thought it read very well both ways! The structure was very cool for the darkness of it, as well. And some of those lines just brilliantly brought across how creepy this person was. LOL.

Very well done!

Avadonja said...

I read it out loud and my room mates came to listen. It became quite dramatic -- but you're right, I did hear the rhythm. Bummed I missed out on the crusade. Looks like fun.

J.C. Martin said...

Very original. What a unique take to the prompt!

Cynthia said...

I like how you say a lot by saying little. Your story is very intense and I can visualize what's going on in a variety of ways. Thanks for sharing.

Morgan said...

Love the poetic feel to your writing. It's emotional. Strong. Nice. :D

Mark Koopmans said...

Aloha Dude,

I don't "get" poetry, but I loved this... great job... you have a larger story in there, for sure :)

Well done :)

Traci Kenworth said...

Loved this!!

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