Saturday, 21 April 2012

R Is For Rejection

Haven't we all been there? I know the feeling quite well because just yesterday night I got turned down by a girl at a club. I think her exact words were: "I don't date little boys, sorry." Ouch. And here it is I thought this kid had game. LOL. Anyway, it's inevitable we'll be turned down at various points in our life. We may get rejected when applying for a job, making a marriage proposal or asking our boss for a pay raise. It's not a nice experience to have, but thankfully it's possible to learn how to handle rejection without letting it eat us alive.

Here are 7 ways to bounce back and still look "fly":

1. Don’t take it personally. There are times in our lives when we are rejected simply because of timing. If you ask someone out to lunch but they have already eaten lunch, well they are going to turn you down! If you apply for a part-time job at a department store during the Christmas holidays the week of Christmas, they are going to turn you down because they have enough staff. Some rejections have nothing to do with us. So if you got turned down, do not second guess that you are no good or that no one likes you. It may just be a question of timing!

2. Think positively. It can be hard to think positively when you have been rejected, but try to turn the tables on this. If someone declines your offer for a social event, think about all the times when you have said no to others as well. Also, sometimes, getting rejected is a blessing in disguise. It may provide you with the space for something bigger that is about to happen!

3. Listen to the rejection carefully. It is important to pay attention to the reason for the rejection. This will tell you if you have a second chance or not. If you apply for a job and the Human Resources Director says “Not now, but call me in three months,” you can choose to focus on the part about timing. Try asking a follow up question to understand why you are being rejected now and get creative in coming up with an alternative solution.

4. Be kind to yourself. Being rejected is a disappointment to say the least. It can be very frustrating to put yourself out there for either personal or professional reasons and then, be told “no.” So, be kind to yourself after getting rejected in some way. Engage in positive self talk and encourage yourself for the future. Do not be silly by drowning your sorrows in food, alcohol, cigarettes or overspending.

5. Have confidence in who you are. Learn to have confidence that people will like you just as you are and to make yourself the best “you” that you can be. Engage in hobbies and activities that you. Laugh and sparkle! People will respond in amazing ways and you will get to experience less rejection!

6. Know that everyone gets rejected. There are six billion people on this earth. We are all beautiful, unique and different. There are times we are in demand and times we may get rejected. Knowing that rejection is an emotion that many people go through is a reality check! So get over your victim mentality and move on!

7. Try and try again. A popular sales motto is that it takes twenty “nos” to get to one “yes.” Many successful authors like Robert Kiyosaki and Mark Victor Hansen got their manuscripts rejected several times by publishing houses before they hit big time! Learn from these authors. Do not therefore take rejection as a sign of failure. Instead, press on in your dreams!
A lot of rejection is not the actual rejection, but how you handle it. If you engage in positive self-talk and have a confident attitude, it is possible to attract a better outcome. Hence, keep picking yourself up when you fall. Do not feel daunted but rejoice because you have found one less way to being turned down. So, even if a new party says “no” to you, you will always be able to transform your negative state of mind to a more empowering one!


Kyra Lennon said...

What kind of crazy girl would reject you?!

Your tips for handling rejection are all very true. It's not a nice thing to go through, but sometimes the reason is because there is something better waiting for you! :D

T.D. McFrost said...

The old "grass is greener on the other side" aphorism. Sweet.

And the girl who rejected me looked like Adriana Lima and had an attitude like Naomi Campbell. I'm just glad she didn't bust my head with her cellphone. :D

Kyra Lennon said...


Cassie Mae said...

I have a hard time putting myself out there for fear of rejection. Heck I was 17 before my first kiss cuz I didn't wanna go for it and totally get the 'What the heck are you doing?' look, lol.

Avadonja said...

Fear of rejection colored so much of my interactions with guys during high school. What I didn't realize at the time was that I was an attractive female - and that most guys are just grateful. If I had things to do over again, I would have just jumped on the people I wanted to without all the worry.

T.D. McFrost said...

Cassie: Ava is right, guys are just grateful any girl is talking to them, so there really is no reason to fear rejection. But there are some guys who are douches.

Ava: Jumping on people you like is always nice. I did stuff like that. LOL.

Angela Brown said...

As writers, rejection is like the second thing we have to prepare ourselves for given novel and story writing is soooo dog gone subjective. The first to prepare for being the actual process of writing.

In the personal life part, I've always known rejection was a difficult thing. So was the backlash. It was hard telling a guy, "No thank you. Just here to grab a drink with my girlfriends" then listen to him respond with things like, "Whatever! You're not that cute anyway." Or to hear them mutter, "Bitch" under their breath as they skulked away. Perhaps those guys could have done with getting a hit from your "How to deal with rejection" list. Who knows, I may not have been able to flirt and whatnot in that moment... but had the rejection been handled well, and they came back with something witty but showed they understood my position, I could have seen fit to exchange numbers.

Laura Marcella said...

Hello, T.D.! This is a fantastic post. I'm going to tweet it! A positive attitude is so important. And you're right that often rejection has nothing to do with us and everything to do with timing. All we can control is to tell the best story we know how, do the best writing we can, and revise, revise, revise!

Last year for the letter Y I posted about the rejection numbers of 14 famous writers if you want to check it out:

Hope you're having a lovely weekend and happy A to Z!!

Anonymous said...

That's good advice on a difficult subject. Thanks for sharing!

ryan field said...

Agree with everything you said and number 7 is my favorite.

Clare said...

Excellent advice for dealing with rejection.

I like to think that rejections happen for a reason, and it's because another better opportunity is just around the corner.

Morgan said...

Such a great post, friend. Rejection in writing has made me SUCH a stronger person. I'm grateful for it! (Although I sure wasn't at the time) Loved all of your points. Fantastic advice :D

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